6 hilarious clean jokes

"A joke is a very serious thing"

Winston Churchill

I have a deeply-held conviction that it is important to have 1-5 moderately amusing, clean jokes in your back pocket at any given time. As a management consultant, a colleague told me that she thinks they are essential to fill in those awkward mid-meeting moments when you're waiting for a projector to focus or hunting for a whiteboard marker. Indeed, I think there is almost no moment when they are not amazing. The internet agrees - one of Reddit's popular, long-running threads is the Ask Reddit "What's the cleanest joke you know?" thread. I prefer my jokes super-lowbrow (see below) - for the highfalutin folks among you, Reddit also has the more cerebral "What's the most intellectual joke you know?" thread. For the aspiring highfalutin folks, Slate has helpfully explained some of the most intellectual jokes on the Reddit thread. My personal favourite crowd-warmers-while-the-projector-warms jokes are below:

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A Because he was out standing in his field.

Q: How can you tell when Julius Caesar's in the mood to negotiate? 
A: He came, he saw, he concurred.

Q: What's the greatest thing about Switzerland? 

A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: A horse walks into a bar. What happens next? 

A: Several people leave because they recognise the potential danger inherent in the situation.

There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says "any idea how you drive this thing?"

An engineer, mathematician, and a statistician are out hunting with bows and arrows in the woods when they spot a deer. Deciding that they don't want to scare the deer off by all attacking at once, they decide to take turns. The mathematician goes first; he estimates the distance and the velocity of the arrow, fires at the correct angle, and falls short by 10 feet because of air resistance and mass. Then the engineer; he considers the wind resistance, mass of the arrow, movement of the target, and fires the arrow, but lands 10 feet too far because of an incorrect calculation. The statistician, ecstatic, jumps in the air and exclaims "I hit it, I hit it!"