“There's always a third choice in life. Even if you think you're stuck between two impossible choices, there's always a third way. You just have to look for it.” ― Marcus Sedgwick, Revolver
Except in this post, where there is no third choice. I initially conceived of today's list as a virtual "Would you rather?". I subsequently learned that "Would you rather?" has a more lascivious flavor on US campuses. So, in an overly-pretentious nod to Søren Kierkegaard's meditation on critical reflection and moral responsibility, let's call it Either/Or. Solutions to these impossible choices welcome in the comments section.
You can either:
- Eat only one food for the rest of your life (you can choose it) OR wear the same outfit (you can choose it and it will be clean every day) for the rest of your life?
- Have sex with Oprah OR the Queen of England? (Hat tip, Katie Roberts-Hull)
- Win the Nobel prize for Literature OR be somewhere on Forbes 400 Rich List? (NB: even last place has a net worth of $1.1b)
- Be stalked by paparazzi every day for the rest of your life OR be a total unknown (even less famous than you are now)?
- Live only in London OR New York City for the rest of your life. You can never leave the city limits. Where do you live?
- Have no children OR nine children?
- Be 6 inches shorter OR 50lbs heavier than you are right now?
- Be attacked by 50 chicken-sized buffalo OR be attacked by one buffalo-sized chicken?
- Be an incurable insomniac OR an incurably bad driver?
- Speak only in questions OR speak only in quotations from films (eg. "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government").
1.Clothes. A comfortable set of coveralls works nicely.
ReplyDelete2.Her Majesty. She seems like a nice lady who is disinclined to speak about it afterwards.
3.Forbes. Most contemporary literature is terrible.
4.Unknown. Fame without wealth sounds awful, while you can be quite successful in some circles as a cipher (insurance claims investigator, undercover reporter, druglord, etc).
5.New York. Amazon Prime.
6.No children. Jesus.
7.50 lbs heavier. If you keep your current weight but lose 6 inches, you’re effectively gaining 30 lbs anyway on your body-shape, plus all the added annoyances of needing more stepladders.
8.The giant chicken. The square-cubed ratio of size to mass ensures that the bird would have terrible bone density issues and severe joint pain, making it a paper tiger (paper chicken?).
9.Bad driver. There is always public transit, especially if I am trapped in NYC for the rest of my life.
10.Quotes. There is enough commonplace dialogue in films to order a sandwich at the deli, while being forced to use only questions would make getting food an insufferable process.
Apologies for the double-post. My lack of proofreading has burned me once again.